Sunflower Skates

Tracking my goals and progress as an adult figure skater

Fighting imposter syndrome on the ice

I've been having a few weird feelings recently that I desperately need to get off my chest. Despite being (on the whole) such a warm, welcoming community, I've been struggling with feelings of intimidation and imposter syndrome since I started ice skating.

Let me explain.

I'm very fortunate in the way that money has never been a problem for me throughout my time skating. If I want nice practice wear, I buy it. If I need extra lessons, I have extra lessons.

Being able to spend more money on extra lessons has allowed me to progress faster than is the norm through the Skate UK levels. I haven't yet been skating 6 months and I'm creeping towards Level 7, something which would usually take 9 months to a year at the very least.

I feel like I don't deserve to be here. That I haven't worked hard enough, for long enough to be allowed to skip through the levels so fast.  Why am I wearing the 'proper' tights that hook under my skates and jackets with rhinestones on, when the rest of my group are in leggings and a jumper?

I keep trying to prove my dedication. I've joined Facebook groups and subreddits, I've started an Instagram account. But I hate feeling like the 'new girl' who hasn't been skating long enough to be allowed to do these things.

Sometimes I feel like the coaches hate me. Most of them are the same age as me, a few are actually younger, which is really intimidating at times. I don't want them to get the idea that I'm full of myself if I whine about being stuck in one level for more than a month. I set myself very high standards for someone who's never skated until the age of 21.

I'm trying my hardest. This feels like more than a casual hobby to me. It's something I am determined to be good at. I want to learn how to jump and how to spin. I want to take NISA tests. I want to be proud of myself.

But on the other hand, I need to chill out a bit. I need to accept that figure skating is a skill that takes years to become good at. I need to laugh at myself when I fall down, and celebrate every little victory no matter how minor it may seem.

I'm in it for the long haul. I do belong here.

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